Many of us have invested years of our lives fighting ourselves. At the time, we don’t think we are fighting ourselves. In fact, we think that we are trying to live more of the life we want, not less of it.
We don’t want to feel anxious or self-judgment, so we stay quiet during meetings. We hate feeling insecure, or uncertain, so we avoid making decisions to do what we want. Sadness or grief over the loss of a relationship, a close family member, or our youth, or missed opportunities can make us feel deep regret, so avoid situations that bring up these emotions. Conflict in our relationship may feel overwhelming, or reminds us of our parent’s divorce, or brings out our anger – so we push these feelings and our needs away.
There are thousands (perhaps millions) of ways that help us avoid, push away or ignore what is happening underneath the surface. Addiction to drugs or alcohol, addictive behaviors like eating, pornography, or shopping. Or perfectionism. Or excessive goal setting or a focus on achievement, or success.
Sometimes we live like this for quite a while, in a type of suspended animation. But then we reach a point where we just can’t keep it going. We feel dead inside. Exhausted. At the end of ourselves. In a way, we have dismembered ourselves: all of the avoiding, numbing, pushing away, not feeling results in cutting off parts of our very selves. We are lost, inside of ourselves. We have forgotten to breathe.
Finding our breath again often begins with being willing. Again and again – begin willing to fall down and get up again. And again. Being willing to feel what previously felt ‘off limits.’ Being willing to sit a little, rather than rush in to fix… or to get our next ‘fix.’ And being willing to allow life energy to flow back to parts long ago cut off and rejected. It can often be painful, but we also feel alive. Perhaps for the first time.
Willingness is a doorway. I encourage you today to step through. Today, invite yourself to be willing. You may be surprised by what you find.
“What we call the secret of happiness is not more a secret than our willingness to choose life.” Leo Buscaglia
For a related article, see “Making Peace with Our Tor_Mentors.” I invite you to sign up for my blog by clicking “Follow Getting High on Recovery.” When you enter your email, you will get free access to the blog. I do not send spam or share your email with anyone.
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Geek Therapy: Getting High with Geek Therapy
I am a Geek Therapist and I use popular culture and superheroes to help people. My specialties include addiction and mental health recovery, parent-teen relationships, emotions and communication skill-building, family counseling, trauma support and spirituality in counseling. If you would like to experiment with Geek Therapy and how it can benefit you, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.