Voldemort and the Destruction of Christmas

Starbucks and Voldemort hate Christmas

Merry Voldemas and Happy Red Cups to you. Thank God for the Red Cups, because they may just save the world… one sip at a time. 


Voldemort hates Christmas. His clan, the House of Grinch, has struggled to overthrow Christmas for centuries.  The season is just too happy and too hopeful.

The first time he tried to destroy the season was 2000 years ago. He and Pontius Pilate, both members of Grinch House, despise the season that began with an execution and ended with new life.

This year, 2015, it appears that they may succeed.

Reports have come from every corner that a shadow of evil has crept across the planet. It erases all hope and eradicates all light. It is a poison that is both delicious and destructive.

Merry Voldemas: The Season that Shall Not be Named

Voldemort has gained so much power that he has renamed the season. It is now Merry Voldemas: The season that shall not be named.

His plan is genius.

Before you lose all hope, know this my friend: hope is not lost, do not despair and please, do not throw away your coffee. Coffee contains seeds of hope so powerful that no spell can hold it back.

Voldemort discovered an ancient spell, Spero Amissum, which is translated Hope is Lost. He launched the spell over the Starbucks franchise because like him, they hate Christmas. It turns out, with every sip of coffee from the evil Red Cups, a little bit of Christmas cheer drains out of your soul.

Before you lose all hope, know this my friend: hope is not lost, do not despair and please, do not throw away your coffee. Coffee contains seeds of hope so powerful that no spell can hold it back.

God Loves CoffeeUnbeknownst to Voldemort, God likes his coffee

“And God hovered over the void, and he said it was good. And that was the first day.”

Jesus knew the secret of coffee: God hovered over the dark void of his coffee and said, “It is good.” That day, so long ago God smiled. And he gave coffee to his people to extend our lives and to make us smile.

Facing Voldemort and Pilate, Jesus knew he needed a friend. He called none other than Harry Potter. With Harry’s wand and Jesus’ tool belt of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh, they devised a plan to restore coffee to it’s created state.

Jesus and Harry Potter Challenge Voldemort

The next morning as the sun opened it’s eyes, Jesus and Harry Potter faced Voldemort and Pilate. Voldemort spewed hate for the season (that shall not be named) and while he was distracted, Harry threw a Stupify spell over the Evil One. Quickly Jesus jumped high for a lay up and threw his Frankinsence into the cursed coffee roaster.

Pilate, knowing what Jesus was up to made a blocking move and the Frankinsence was knocked away. All was lost until Jesus flew out of no where and caught the rebound, sending it flaming into the roaster.

What happened next is legendary. The brightest light exploded from the roaster. Each cup of Starbucks’ coffee lit up with the light of new hope.

Voldemort fell to his knees and cried like a baby. Pilate bawled man tears all over the floor.

Jesus and Harry approached the two. Jesus said, “Get up and walk.” So they did, and they drank coffee.

There is Room for Everyone at the Table

Soon the Barista’s were singing. The coffee shop was filled with life: Jesus, Harry, Voldemort, Pilate, the Wisemen, Shepherds, sheep, and camels all pulled up a chair. They shared a Red Cup, the symbol of hope.

Starbucks Red Cups and ChristmasStarbucks was again filled with light and love for all. Everyone found their place around the table: The Voldemort’s, the Pilates, the weird and the uncomfortable now can all enjoy their coffee, and hope fills them one sip at a time.

So this Christmas, may the Red Cup fill you up.

Keep it Real

I am an author with the Good Men Project. You can find more of my content at my author page.

A Glimpse of What Enlightened Masculinity

Because you are a reader of this blog, you can become an official Premium Member of the Good Men Project. You can wear that title with pride, along with a generous 10% discount. We guarantee that you will enter awesomeness. Seriously, membership supports me and allows you access to ebooks, webinars and free content.

Special credit to my daughter, Red Fox for her creative help with this piece.

Photos courtesy of  www.comicvine.com and smswaby

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s