Take Off the Man Glasses


I have glasses. These are not the kind that come from an optometrist, and he probably wears the same kind of glasses. My son wears them, and so does my brother, and my step-dad.

What kind of glasses are these you ask? Man glasses. Not all men wear them, but I know that I do. Man glasses give you temporary blindness, rendering objects invisible, providing a really good excuse for a lot of stuff.

The man glass excuse won’t hold up in court, but it should:

“Your honor, I was wearing my man glasses and I didn’t see the building in front of me.”

I don’t know why other men wear them, but here are ten reasons why I wear man glasses:

  1. Evolution. Man glasses kept us closely connected to our various tribes. When we wear the glasses, we can’t see things so we need other people.
  2. Anxiety. If we miss important things that could eat us, that is not healthy. So we become necessarily anxious. If we are in a group, we have an improved chance of survival. Man glasses are nature’s way of keeping us alive.
  3. Convenience. When wearing my glasses, I walk into a room or open the fridge door and quickly scan for my item of choice. After 2.7 seconds, it won’t jump out at me so therefore it is not there. Then I ask for help.
  4. Relationships. When I am temporarily blind, it drives me to ask for help. This should help my relationships. The glasses are my way of saying: “I care about you, I need help, please help me.”
  5. Humility. Man glasses remind me of my limits. I am not very good at finding things, so I need you to help me. Pretty simple.
  6. Fun. When I am with someone else, the chance of having fun increases by 72.5%. So if I call you to help me find the ketchup, that is my way of looking for fun. Don’t get mad, just laugh.
  7. Dimensional challenges. I am dimensionally challenged. If things get moved, I can no longer see them. Similarly, if things are in small spaces, like the fridge, I cannot see them. And, if things are in a big room, I usually cannot see them at all.
  8. Superpower. The man glasses are my superpower. They attract people to me who like to help.
  9. Cluelessness. They give me a good reason to stand and gaze into the fridge, around the room, in the glove compartment, or in my backpack. If I look clueless, I am wearing my glasses.
  10. Personality. Each man has a different kind of man glasses that he may choose to wear at any given time. For me, I wear kitchen man glasses and sock man glasses. Other men may wear tool man glasses, or chore man glasses. The kind of man glasses that we can wear are endless.

So guys, happy man glasses. Hope you have fun wearing them.

Keep it Real

2 thoughts on “Take Off the Man Glasses

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