Sometimes I want to Run Away From My Teenagers…
I love my kids, but sometimes I want to scream. And sometimes I do. In my post-freakout season of guilt, I often wonder if I am the only parent who feels crazy like this. I know that I am not. I just think that most parents are not willing to go on record.
When I looked around at the resources for parents, most acknowledge that parents feel stress, but there is an assumption that family is a source of great positive energy. I wonder if these resources are written by childless people, by grandparents or by parents with cute elementary kids.
Parenting is one of the best things I have ever done, but it is also one of the hardest things. Parenting will push you to discover, surpass and wave goodbye to your limits.
It will pass, just like a bowel movement.
At my age, both things are really important. You will wonder why you ever did this, and this does not make you a bad parent.
You will think you are crazy.
Questioning your sanity is part of the process. You are sane, I get you.
You will suffer.
The Buddha says that life is suffering. He must have had a teenager.
Don’t suffer alone.
Misery loves company, but so do cheesecake and wine. Being alone in your suffering just makes it even more difficult.
Go back to #4 and have some cheesecake.
Progress is written in pencil, not permanent marker.
There is a reason that parents make pencil marks on the door frame to mark progress. Pencil’s are made with erasers on the ends for those eraser days. You will have many, many of them. Trust the eraser.
Laugh, because it is easier and cheaper than a mid life crisis.
Laughing lets go of stress and let’s you take on a different perspective. Really, it just gives you something else to think about.
Forget what the experts tell you.
There is no such thing as a developmental stage. Teenagers live the stages each and every day. It’s more like developmental moments interspersed with moments of sanity.
Know that this will blow over.
Living with a teenager is like living with someone with moment by moment changes in their mood, their sense of rationality and overall communication skills. Storms pass. Hide in the bathroom, hold onto something, lie in the bathtub because soon enough it will be over. For today.
You are right, but don’t expect to ever be told that.
Maybe when they are 25, I don’t know. My wife and I are smart, but apparently my name is spelled: “I D I O T.” At least sometimes…
He or she is still a child somewhere inside. It is easy to fall into a strong dislike of what they do. Remember who they are. I find it helps if I assume he has multiple personalities. Love the person, but know they will do weird and offensive things. And sometimes, I am the one with the multiple personalities.
Get your kids to hand around other adults.
Not everything that teenagers do is insane or inappropriate. In between the ado-less-sense they may even make sense. This is why it is important to get your kids to hang around with other people. They are more rational around other people and you get to see other sides to their personalities. Trust me, this will save you thousands in therapy.
The reality is that parenting is not really about you or your happiness. You will have seasons where you are unhappy, where you question your decision to ever have kids and where you wonder if your kids will make it out alive. Having kids is a good thing and yes, you will all make it out alive. I think this is why I love Zombie movies because most of the really important people make it out alive.
Stress, sleeplessness, financial strain await you.
But it will come to an end.
You will have increased levels of anxiety, depression and greater impacts to your mental health. Parenting is not bad for your health, but it may take a toll on your mental health. I think that is nature’s way of helping parents dissociate, or numb out, so the experience seems not so bad.
I consider this post as Part 1 in an ongoing series because parenting will teach you more about life and about yourself than you ever thought possible. I still think it is worth it. I will stop for now, because I have to go for a run. The reason I run is that my teenager can’t keep up to meWhen I run, he can’t keep up
“God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure. ” ― Eric Liddell
If you enjoyed this piece, you will enjoy some of my other writing:
Keep it Real
Photo by Joanne Purdie