10 Rules That Guarantee Unhappiness in Your Relationships and Your Work


“It’s not my fault” is just one way to guarantee unhappiness in our relationships, our work and in life.



It’s probably the opposite of what you want in your life and in your relationships. It is easy to fall into patterns that lead to unhappy relationships and unhealthy dynamics in your life.  There is no guarantee of relationship happiness. What we know is that if you practice healthy habits in a relationship, it can lead to greater satisfaction.

Unhappy relationships can teach us something about how to be happier and more healthy. What follows are the 10 Rules that Guarantee Unhappiness in any Relationship or Workplace.

1. It’s not my job to make myself happy: my job needs to make me happy or you need to make me happy. It’s your fault if I’m not happy all of the time.

2. I need your undivided attention. You should not have any interest other than me. If I am at work, the boss needs to always have my needs in mind.

3. You need to guess what I want and what I feel without me having to tell you. And you better be right.

4. Each of my sacrifices need to be rewarded. I need to be noticed and appreciated. All. Of. The. Time. You need to sacrifice to prove how much you care about me.

5. It’s your job to shield me from anxiety, worry, hurt or any pain. My job needs to be a refuge from stress. My company needs to take care of my needs.

6. Whenever I do something for someone, they need to be grateful and appreciative.

7. You will not be critical of me, show anger toward me or otherwise disapprove of anything I do. No one can be critical of my work. That is the end of the world for me.

8. You must be so caring and loving that I need never take risks or be vulnerable in any way. And my work is not a place where I want to make a lot of mistakes or be vulnerable. Learning new things is embarrassing and messy.

9. You need to love me with your whole heart, your whole soul and your whole mind, even if I do not love myself.

10. It’s not my fault. No matter what happens.

If you enjoyed this article, you will want to see some of my other work:

Recovery and Happiness

Are We Addicted to Happiness?

The 8 Myths of Happiness and What You Can Do to Feel Better

I write articles about wellness, leadership, parenting and personal growth. My hope is to deliver the best content I can to inspire, to inform and to entertain. Sign up for my blog if you want to receive the latest and best of my writing. If you like what I have to say, please share my work with your friends.

Lastly, if you like my writing, you can click here to vote for my page on Psych Central’s list of mental health blogs.

Keep it Real

Adapted from Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries (p.73), by J. Miller, 1989, Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc.

Photo by Johnathan Keelty

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