A fitter bathtub?

Do you need a fitter bathtub?

Does your tub need a tummy tuck, bowtox, an Ab Wheel, laser surgery, a six pack or improved well being? No, I am not high right now.

I recently saw an advertisement about how to get a fitter bathtub. Yes, that is right children. And how do we get a fitter bathtub? Do we have to work out? No. Do we have to diet? No. Do we have to diet, exercise and think positive? No, No and Nope.

To get a fitter bathtub is quite easy. Not much effort is required, nor is any long term habit change expected. There is also no need to alter routines or the way that I think about my tub or it’s creases. I can even continue to eat bacon, cheese and pizza IN MY TUB. Yes. Canada will be saved because the bacon will flow and my tub will still be more fit.


Why do you need a fitter tub? I wonder that myself. It did not make sense until I saw the photos. For a few simple payments, a fitter bathtub can be yours. Someone will arrive at your door, bring in and install the product over top of your existing 70’s tub and Disco walls. In one day, a new and fitter tub.


I wish there was a fitter-life product. Just sign up and someone comes to my door. They bring the plastic sheets in and install it right over top of the old me. Rock hard abs, done. Firm and shiny skin, done. Improved posture, also done! Imagine the before and after photos.

This is what I imagine I would look like:


This would be Super Cool too:


But this is what I probably would look like:


The eight benefits for this new plastic life are incredible:

  1. I would not have to think at all about what, or how I eat.
  2. I would save time by not having to exercise.
  3. I would not have to work on my mental game, mind gym or brain exercising. No cognitive sweating for me anymore.
  4. I would just have to sign up and someone else would do the work.
  5. I would not have to plan. Anything. Just let someone else do the work and I will eat bacon. Lot’s of crispy bacon. Hmm.
  6. I would have a 60 day guarantee. I like guarantees, they make me feel secure. I can call the 1-888 line and talk to the nice lady about my abs. Wow.
  7. I would be waterproof. I would also be polycarbonated. Does that mean that I would be a soft drink? Hmm, that is not such a hot benefit.
  8. I could get some new plastic super powers, like zippers, hookie-things and LED lights built right in! I cannot wait.

Sometimes I am tempted by products that promise to give me a fitter-life. I find it especially tempting a few times a year: New Years, Spring, Fall, July 4th, April 1st and the 13th of November. Okay, it is always tempting. Buying something to give me a fitter-life takes little effort and little change on my part. That is appealing.

I guess I want the result without the work, the end without the beginning and the middle, the abs without the abs-olute effort that it will take. I want to maintain all of my current habits, attitudes and values but have a happier, improved and fitter-life. Just install the new life over top of the old one. Ooh, so tempting and so plastic.

The drawback is that if I don’t do any work, the plastic me would just be a shell and I would be locked inside: a shrivelled up, Wizard-of-Oz me. That would suck.

There is no working-out without the work. The routines that make me sweat, stretch, plan, learn and grow are what make me. These things can never be bought, delegated, outsourced, crowd sourced, lasered, info-mercialized or plasticized. Like vitamins, small and regular actions is what it takes. Only daily investment, like my Mutual Funds, make for a fitter-life. Bye, bye plastic abs, zippers and LED lights.

Keep it real

One thought on “A fitter bathtub?

  1. What a tongue in cheek message – you tease – you! I would like a fitter me too. This fitness is a tough go! Great job! love it


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