How GMO’s have actually improved my life

I have a new clock, an Atomic Clock. It is a big deal to me because it is so advanced that it uses a radio to set itself. Other than replacing the battery, my clock never needs me. It does its job perfectly without needing any assistance from me. Each night when I am enjoying Magical Dreamland, my Atomic clock wakes up and listens for a signal. Then it talks to the Mother Clock and if the time is off, it self-corrects. Beautiful.


I think my kids need to take a lesson from my Atomic clock.

What I first noticed after I put the battery into the clock was that it has no clue what the time is and you cannot set the thing.

It is a little like a teenager after you have asked them to do three things back to back to back. You have seen it. They look at you with empty eyes, the prefrontal cortex is confused and the processing speed goes way down. I imagine the internal conversation goes like this: “What did he say was #1? I remember #3, but for #2 did he say is empty the Garbage, or empty the Garage? Garage… I like cars. What about that dance I am going to tomorrow?”

I get that way when I am watching TV. Don’t ask me complicated things when I am in the middle of Lost or Walking Dead. My Atomic Clock brain is receiving the Signal and I am no longer on line. I may look like I am with it and I may occasionally even talk… that is just my body responding to the Signal. Don’t expect anything and certainly don’t talk to me because my Hard Drive is busy receiving.


What we are talking about is the basic rules of life: Don’t feed the animals and don’t talk to me when I am receiving the Signal.

So back to my clock. No, I do not have ADHD. (I believe that I have established this fact a number of times. Please see my archived articles. Start in September and look up Humor.) I read the instruction book for my Atomic clock. At the end of the instructions in tiny print, it says that the clock may take up to 24 hours to receive an adequate signal so that it can set the correct time for my area.

That is freakin’ brilliant. I am going to use that at work… I need 24 hours to receive an adequate signal!

Here’s what I will say, “Sorry boss, I need a day. I just don’t have an adequate signal. Nothin’s coming in. While I may appear like I am busy, I’ve got nothing. Let me be alone, in fact, it is best if I just go home and sleep this off… (in front of the TV).”

Will this work? Nope. Am I on drugs? Again, nope. My teenager believes that all of my thinking issues are caused by GMO’s. His way of thinking is a good example of the Circle of Life. When I was younger, we blamed MSG and when I grew up, we blamed the GST (Government Sales Tax). Now this new generation blames the GMO’s. It just keeps getting better.

GMO’s… Genetically Modified Organism. I don’t get why is this such a big deal? Genetically Modified Organism describes most people that I know, and most of Texas! Everything I eat and everything that I do modifies me. When I binge eat Halloween candy, that modifies me. In fact, I like being modified. My middle initial is “M” and I think I am going to have it legally changed to “Modified.” Go ahead, modify me… there is a better me out there, I am sure of it. I just need 24 hours to receive the signal. Darn.

Keep it Real.

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