The 10 Ways that Living With The Circus Is Better Than Going to Traditional School

I am thinking about sending my children to live with the Circus.

My children are at the age when they need to change schools and move up to the next level in their Education. In Canada, we name it Junior High and High School. Whoever named the levels of schooling needs to go back to school. Entering Junior High or High School has nothing to do with a person’s height or whether they use drugs. In fact, height and drug use is not even on the application. I checked.

We had a discussion yesterday about which schools they are considering. Neither of them can make up their mind, so I recommended the Circus. I shared with them The 10 Ways that Living With The Circus Is Better Than Going to Traditional School:

1. You will get some better friends. Chimpanzees and Lizards can be great friends to have. The nice thing is that Chimpanzees and Lizards don’t care about body odor or breath. In fact, smelling like a Zoo will be an asset.

2. You will learn to run away from things that can eat you. Run or be eaten. Survival and Victory are life lessons that can make you successful later in life. I admit that running away from things that are chasing you can contribute to anxiety, but it will also spike your Fast Twitch fibers. This will help with general reaction time and overall survival skills. If we are ever in a Zombie Apocalypse, you will thank me. (If you like Zombies, see my post on Your Vacation and the Walking Dead Effect.)

3. You will learn how to perform in public. Public performance will help you succeed in interviews, have fun things to do when you have down time and give you cool things to talk about with potential dating partners. It will really narrow the pack. Who else can stand on the back of a horse or put their head into an animal’s mouth? I imagine that the Lion Breath is pretty awful. That would make for a cool story.

4. You will have all of the free popcorn you want. My kids really like popcorn. They get that from my wife’s side of the family.

5. You will realize that Fathers are not the only ones who breathe fire. Other people can breathe fire too: The fire breathers at the Circus, Dragons, Mothers and Children with morning breath. I call it DeathBreath. If you learn to brush your teeth in the morning, I will owe the Circus big time.    

6. You will get over your fear of heights, and your fear of Bearded Women.

7. You will get to travel. And I will get some peace and quiet.

8. If I ever decide to join you, I will get to be the Ringmaster. I will get a fancy hat, which is great because I like hats. More importantly, I will be the master of the Ring. My Precious!

9. My daughter will finally be taller than me, if she can get up on the stilts.

10. My wife will get to be a clown. I will finally let her wear the pants in the family. And the underwear.

11. BONUS My son will finally have a date: The Bearded Woman.

Keep it real

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