sometimes-i-cant-stand-my-kids-290x173Men face midlife crises; Women face menopause. Teenagers have their own crisis to deal with: Teenopause.

Teenopause is most common in youth aged 12 – 20, however, some studies have found that Teenopause can last well into our 50’s.

The symptoms of Teenopause:

  • Dramatic mood swings
  • Whining
  • Craving Jube Jubes
  • Isolating themselves in their rooms, while simultaneously demanding your attention
  • Needing to have one ear connected to an iPod at all times
  • Confusion and the inability to follow anything their parents say
  • Mumbling
  • Demanding freedom but expecting their parents to fund it
  • Their entire world is destroyed at least once per week
  • They leave personal items as silent reminders of their presence (clothes, their lunch  boxes, their homework)

Treatments for Teenopause:

Treatment of Teenopause is still in trial phase. Parents need to expect regular outbursts when their adolescent is in Teenopause. Parents are advised to seek support, drink coffee, get lots of rest and wear earplugs. Other treatments include meditation, medication and mediation. For most subjects Teenopause will pass with time, although actual maturity levels will vary dramatically. Parents are wise to use laxatives and lock the bathroom door. You need a place to cry.

Extreme caution is advised:

Mixing significant amounts of alcohol with Teenopause can result in drunkenness and vomiting (for both parents and adolescents): Run away. Driving while under the influence of Teenopause is not recommended due to erratic attention and inconsistent decision making abilities. Avoid operating heavy machinery in the event that someone may lose a limb.



Teenopause will vary in intensity and duration. Sugar and cream will make it all go down a little easier. Parents are advised to speak with their Doctor and consider taking Prozac for themselves.



For related articles on Menopause and Men in Midlife, follow the links. If you like what I write, the greatest complement is to share with your friends.

Keep it real

3 thoughts on “Teenopause

  1. Was the heading a typo or did you really men “mid-life cries”???? Have a fun filled family weekend!


  2. Just discovered your blog and you hit the “Teenopause” nail right on the head! We have five daughters – yes, I said five – and three of them are teenagers who are with us full-time. The symptoms you listed… sigh… that is our house every freakin day!

    Really enjoyed your blog. Good luck to us both!

    All the best,


    1. You must have a lot of stories to tell! The teenage years are hard. Some say that we get white hair and wrinkles because of the teen years. I think the white hair is just the life draining out of us and the wrinkles are natures way of giving us more room for stories. Our brains have a lot of wrinkles, so when our faces match our brains, we are on the right track. Gray hair, gray matter…

      I appreciate that you took the time to add a comment.


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