Getting High on Recovery

10 Reasons you should be afraid when your teenager becomes one with their computer.

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My teenager has bonded with his technology. In computer-speak, this is called HCI: Human Computer Interaction, the study of how humans interact with computers.

I don’t know why they need a new term for it. In my world, HCI is called Parenting. AKA: How loud do I have to scream?

How many screens do you have in your house?

I started thinking about his use of technology the other day when my new iPhone arrived. I counted our screens, and we have Twelve. They outnumber us by three to one.

I’m not sure this matters, but if you count the television mini-me (our microwave), the number jumps up to an unlucky thirteen… making this a screen saver’s nightmare.

Can you feel the terror rising? All that you have to do is watch Terminator: Judgment Day and you should feel very afraid. In the movie we learn that in the future computers become liquid metal. What we have living with us right now is what I call liquid adolescence. Parents, this Terminator: Adolescent Day.

10 Ways to Know If Your Teenager is Planning a TERMINATOR: ADOLESCENT DAY

1.Their HCI is MIA. HCI is their Human-Computer Interaction, and it is MIA (Missing in Action.) Basically they look at you with blank stares and ask you where they should plug themselves in.

2.They speak in code: Grunts, groans, and simple, brief statements that can be put onto any screensaver. This is a dead giveaway.

3.They attack you with Underarm Adolescence. Don’t ever enter the bedroom. Once in, the smell will overwhelm you. It is highly toxic Underarm Adolescence… one of their main offensive weapons.

4.Their RAM may seem SLOW, but don’t be fooled by it. The grunts just hide the secret processing that is happening. You know she is smart and you know he can think for himself. Deep inside, there is a lot of thought happening. When they coordinate it all, they may just take over the world.

5. The Hard Drive space is jammed up. It goes something like this: Food, sleep, music, computers, friends, the mall, pizza, iPod, girls/guys, burgers. If you see them caught in endless content loops, put on your bullet proof computer vest and your super pens and get to the safe house.

6.Their download speed is crawling. Moving from hearing to listening is a darned miracle. Slow download is a sign they are in need of a de-load.

7.They have turned your once happy home computer. You look at your computer and all that you can see is foreign icons with strange words and symbols. You swear this is your computer, but you just don’t recognize any of the programs. Takeover is imminent.

8.Their user friendly guarantee has expired. All you get is claws and bad breath. See #3 and get your gas mask.

9.Their screensaver is set to stun. What else do you need mom, dad? Aren’t you listening?

10.They spell USB, “UHM.” The “I don’t get it, I’m still thinking” is part of their plot. It’s an attempt to catch you off guard. They really aren’t listening. They are thinking about how to take over your world. It’s time to call Arnold, “Come with me if you want to live!”

Keep it Real… I’ll be back!

I’d love to hear your Adolescent Day stories. Join me in the comments. For the latest content, the best stories and original writing join my blog. Still free because the world needs more freedom.

Photos by John Lawlor and La super Lili