Getting High on Recovery

I wrote this post four years ago. Back then, I wrote it purely for fun. But today it has a different purpose: Today we remember Princess. My parent’s cat is not well and today she will leave us. She has given my parents years’ of joy, comfort and support. In the last few years, she has not been well… but in spite of it, she loved her chair, her blanket and her mom and dad.

Pets are family. They make a difference to your health and your mental health. Most of all, pets love us. And they remind us that even when we don’t feel great, we always matter to them.

Princess, we miss you. You made our lives better… (well, at least when you didn’t hiss at us for just looking at you.)

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I found this letter in the bathroom yesterday. It was written by a cat named Princess.

“This is a letter to the cat owners and wanna-be cat owners out there. Pay attention to my rules of survival if you want to live.”

1. I am watching you and I am the boss of your house. If you need to ask why, you need to go back to your room.

2. If you want to live, remember these three things:

• Don’t chase me. Ever.
• Give me what I want to eat.
• Bring out the red magic bouncing dot.

3. Time outs are for sissy dog owners. Don’t be a sissy. Remember that dogs suck.

4. When in bed, if you move, I will destroy you.

5. When I run around the house chasing what appears to be nothing to you, walk away if you want to live. I am a Secret Operative and you are blind to the untold threats from stray dust balls, enemy shadows and light shades. You are so blind.

6. When I seem happy, I am actually plotting the destruction of the all dogs on the street. Walk away.

7. I will let you pet me under the chin. Touch my stomach and I will pet you under the chin… with my claws.

8. When I claw your couch I am choosing the less destructive option. If you like, I can claw your leg instead. That’s what I thought. Now go back to your talking image box and be quiet, I have to teach the couch a lesson.

9. When I meow at night while you are sleeping, I am making contact with my ancestors. If you disturb me, we all will destroy you. Let me commune.

10. I love you, with strings attached. Don’t forget it. I will not say it again.

11. Hairballs are my gift to you. Be thankful that I love you.

Signed, Princess.

Keep it real