Okay, just a bit. I love to hold the bag of chips so that I get more than the rest of the family. Am I selfish? I don’t think so, I just like to be the Holder of the Bag.
It’s fun to have a job, and the best job is the one we give to ourselves: I am the Holder of the Bag.
Doesn’t matter what’s going on, control is a part of whatever is going on. You and I may be in recovery, in business, in relationships and control will come up.
I have learned a few things about control. Mostly after my fights about the chips.
12 Realities about your (…our) control issues
1.When you are in control, you can distort things to meet your own needs. When I am the holder of the chips, I eat more than anyone else. The bag sits with me, I am closest to it, and then my environment takes over.
2.Control is a key part of addiction and recovery. So it is probably something you should pay attention to. I’m good. I get to write this post, so I have decided that you have a problem right now.
3.Control is damned confusing. It is about releasing it, but holding on to responsibility. I think there is probably a sweet spot where you hold onto responsibility and communicate your needs, accepting what the other person wants and coping when you don’t get your way. All that I know is that is hard work.
4.A feeling of control is magnified with technology. The more you use technology, the more control issues you will have. Social media, Google, and the internet give you the feeling you are in control of this giant flow of information. Truth is, the information is controlled more by companies and advertisers.
5.If you are a parent, control will become a major issue. Go back to #2. This is why parenting feels a lot like you are in recovery.
6.The more you focus on what you can’t influence, the less happy you will be. Circumstances, other people, the weather, the news, the markets, your workplace… many things are out of your control because other people also want things too.
7.Control is important. Control comes from the word that we use for wheel. The idea is that if you have the wheel, you can direct where the vehicle will travel. That is control. You and I need to steer our lives or we will feel more adrift.
8.Reading fiction will help with control issues. Reading is different than a movie. A movie shows you all of the pictures and you are passive. Yet at the same time, because of the controls, so you feel you are in charge. When you read, you are allowing someone else to direct the flow, so you practice acceptance. Your imagination grows when you practice acceptance. Go, get a book and practice.
9.Getting good at acceptance is not being passive. Acceptance is an active ownership of what we can personally change. There are a surprising amount of things that you and I can impact: Our choices, our creativity, our attitude, the thoughts we think, our emotions, our reactions, our gratitude, how hard we work, what we eat/drink/our exercise, and what we say.
10.Even God was not in control of everything. On the 7th day, God rested: God let humans take over. We’ve pretty much messed everything up since then.
11.Acknowledging that you, and I, don’t know everything is a huge step. It is vulnerable and it is a risk. Being willing to take a risk and admit your needs is a tremendous risk.
12.Change takes time. When you release, practice vulnerability, and accept responsibility for what you can change it is a huge step. But that won’t change things, at least at first.
My grass has bald spots. I planted seed last week and I water it every day, sometimes twice. I still don’t see any change even though I’m doing a lot of work. I have to release control and allow the sun and other elements, the birds and everything else to do it’s part. I know the seeds will begin to grow, I have to practice patience.
So I water, watch and accept that I am not always the Holder of the Bag. Sometimes that is good, because if you are the last one holding the bag, you get the work.
Keep it Real
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