Do. You. Know. What. It. Feels. Like?
To understand one man’s paranoia, watch this video link. The song may not be your musical style but I encourage you to give it a few minutes. For a moment, let your musical preference sit in the background.
Let the song and the lyrics speak. Watch the images. Let it wash over you. And inside of you.
Why does it feel like night today?
Something in the air’s not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia’s all I got left
I don’t know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(It watches everything)
It’s like I’m paranoid lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin
I know I’ve got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You’ve got a face on the inside too
Your paranoia’s probably worse
I don’t know what set me off first but I know what I can’t stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can’t add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
Defects of character? Poor choices? Genetics? Just go outside and go for a walk. Just snap out of it!
But everyone has a face that they hold inside…
It may be paranoia. Mania. Ideas or images that race in your mind. Gloom that buries you. Or the crushing lead weight of anxiety. We may have our own experience of mental illness. Addiction that drives you. Shame that haunts you. Wishing you could finally get over that one issue.
• • •
No matter our experience, each of us has an issue, a feeling, a situation, a desire for… Something. That. We. Wish. We. Could. Change. And when we are alone, we feel as if that is all that we have left.
• • •
In a post like this, I have resisted the urge to finish on a positive tone. Each one of may have days that finish just like this song. We think that all that we have left is our sadness, our addiction, our anxiety, our paranoia. There is hope and there can be better days, even if it does not feel like it… right now.
Music has the ability to get through and touch the deep parts of your life. When a song is right, it feels as if it was written just for you.
If you feel like taking your life, you are not alone. Help is only one step, one call away. The US Suicide Hotline can be found here or by calling 1-800-273-8255.
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Lyric credits: Brad Delson / Chester Charles Bennington / Joseph Hahn / Mike Shinoda / Robert G. Bourdon