I began a recent article with a question, “You have one life to live. How much of your life do you spend thinking about your “Butts?” Our “Yes Buts” become excuses, a way taking the easy way out. The more often you “Yes, but…” the more you are giving yourself an excuse not to do something difficult and remain sitting on your but.
Just like the cake you enjoy that goes straight to your butt… so do your “Yes, but’s”!
If you keep saying “Yes, but” to life? Where will this get you in 6 months or a year… or five years? Will you be living the life you want? Feeling more alive? Or will you feel stuck, feeling that life is more of the same?
If you are okay with your “Yes butting,” don’t worry about it. But… if you are not impressed with your “Butts,” take a moment to reflect, “How can your “Yes, but” serve you?” (I do not claim to have created this brilliant question. I heard the question from a therapist, Roni in a recent discussion).
One of the workouts I recommend is to give yourself credit for all of the things and the ways you have tried to fix yourself, your emotions, your relationships.
This workout (#2) is about giving yourself a little credit because you had the drive to try. Sure you may not figure things out every time, but no one does. Our minds give it to us in a constant barrage: “Keep trying you dummy… and you suck because nothing you are doing is working.”
So how can your “Yes, but’s” serve you?
- Pay attention to your “Yes, but’s.” Keep count of how often you say “Yes, but” to yourself and to others.
- Challenge your inner “Yea Butter” by engaging in one of the workouts I recommend, or make up your own.
- Ask yourself about the results of your “Yes butting?” Your mind is a little like a teenager. It loves to argue with you, give you reasons why something won’t work or why it is a stupid idea… or why you are the stupid one for even bringing it up. Once you start arguing with a teenager, they have won because they don’t have to take responsibility, they don’t have to do what you ask, and most often they might win because arguing takes too much energy to bother.
- Give your “Yes Butter” a name. You can call it your “Yes Butter,” your “Inner teenager,” your “Terminator,” or your “argument machine.” Be creative, have some fun with the name. Naming it will help you to relax a little, notice and unhook yourself when your mind starts to argue and get you off track.
As you move closer to 2018, take time to take stock of the past year. Give yourself some credit for how hard you work on yourself and all of the ways that you try to make things work. Ask yourself whether you are heading in the direction you want, and whether if you continue in the same way will you be more of the person, the parent, the man or woman that you want to be?
If you like it, sign up for my blog and share my work. And if you want to go the extra mile, click here to vote for my page on Psych Central’s list of mental health blogs.If you enjoyed this piece, you may want to check out two other articles in my “Yes But” series:
Keep it Real
Photo by: Jonathan Kos-Read